I got a call...

I just got back from vacation and have been crazy busy catching up with work from being out of the office... I'm also getting prepared for the holidays.  Around 10 yesterday morning I got a call from CK (my agency) asking me pretty much if I was ready.... Wait, what? 

She said we're doing a final review of your chart, checking off things and wanted to see when you'd be ready for your first kid!  I obviously start sweating and laughing immediately... Wait what?  She said they had a few things they were getting clarification on from the home study (still) but after that, would I be ready for a kid?  Still laughing I walk into the hallway and just say, "yeah I guess..." not sure that was the best response but it's just such an odd question.  I understand why they ask it, but it just seems like I've been doing nothing but paperwork and training for so long.  I'm ready, definitely, but wait what?  I probably said that 10 times on the phone with her... I just couldn't process all that she was saying as fast as she was saying it.  She's probably said this schpeel to people a million times so she had it down, but my brain could not keep up.  I mean, yes, I'm ready.  I cannot be more excited and if I get a placement before Christmas then yes, let's go.  But in between everything she's saying I'm thinking, I haven't cleaned the house.  I need to organize clothes that I recently got.  I need to put together a chair my parents bought me.  I need to get Bailey (my dog) to the groomer so she's ready.  It was so crazy, the biggest to-do list and some bizarre/unimportant things started popping into my head...

I got off the phone and just mentally crossed them all off.  Because they don't matter and the things that need to happen will happen.  I don't think i'll get a kiddo before the weekend (because she'd call to let me know my home study was completed and revisions were done).  That at least gives me the weekend to put stuff together, clean the house and just get some kid groceries.

I asked her for a realistic date and she said it could be by the end of the month... Eeek!

I haven't blogged in a bit but you haven't missed anything really... Just lots of freaking out (as of yesterday) and last minute planning, Christmas shopping, working and lots of laundry in between it all. 

Anyways, thanks for all the prayers thus far!  I'll update here as I know more!

My Heart for Her...

I read this on a blog and I feel in love with it.  I had it bookmarked and would re-read it every so often.  I wanted to share not only for this girl, but for all young women out there as a simple prayer...
 

My heart for her is that she will learn that her journey is where she will become strong

that her strength is from God not within herself

that she waits for a man that will love her heart, her mind and dream her dreams as well as his own

one that will respect her choice that true love waits, because he too is waiting

that she explores her God given dreams with no pressure to marry before her time

that she opens her heart to God’s invitation to be transformed by Him

 

that she stands when no one else does

that she speaks for those who cannot

that she be the light when everything else is dark

that she has the eyes to see the lovely in the unlovely, for that is so often where we see God

that she lives loved... because she knows the depth of which she is loved

that she hears His song over her each and everyday

 

that she is able to forgive because she knows the depth of her forgiveness

that family always matters and knows that it's worth fighting for

that she would keep God first, others second and herself third

that her trust is always safe with the One who is perfect and steadfast

that even if she had no one she is not ever alone because God is always with her

 

that she has a heavenly Father who gives good gifts to His children

that the gifts He has given her have been hand chosen for a purpose

that she is able to see her path before her clearly and will follow after it even if no one else sees it too

that she dreams big dreams and prays even bigger prayers

and that with each day she will love deeper, fight harder and pray with conviction

adapted from the original post here, The House of Belonging

Umm... Hi, yes... Party of 2

For those questions about the timeline... As of now, my paperwork is done, unless there are more questions from the home study of course, (and there have already been additional questions).  Sigh...

My fire inspection is all that I have left and it's been hard to get ahold of the right people so its not scheduled yet but I'm hopeful that after thanksgiving it will be.

So, the date is Dec 16!!  That does not mean that a kiddo would be with me on that date, I'm just thinking that will be the date that I officially open my home, which just means it now becomes a possibility for a kid that meets my parameters.

Why Dec 16?  I get back from NY with my grandparents on Dec 15.  I could have opened sooner, however I couldn't have traveled with her to NY because tickets were already bought, plans made, etc.  If I did have her, she'd have to stay with a respite provider but due to all the changes and transitions already happening and the trauma that comes with getting placed into foster care at all, you can't use a respite provider within the first 30 days.  This is really just to help her adjust and for us to establish a routine and relationship before she's off being babysat by more people she doesn't know. 

Once I get back from NY, I have no plans to go anywhere.  Christmas I'll be local and if she's with me, we'll probably stay at my house, just to help her continue adjusting and keeping that routine, but going to my dad's house during the day to hangout.  After that, my cousins wedding will be at the end of January and she would just come with me... Crazy! 

On a side note, I currently have a car seat in my backseat.  Trippy.  I turn around often and just stare at it...

Her room

Her room is done!!  As promised, pictures for those of you who can't swing on by and take a look for yourself... Enjoy!

 

Those animals are the softest... Some of you might remember the cow I loved, it was soft once upon a time and had beads in it, so it was kinda heavy.  I loved it and think every kid needs something like that.  The lamb not only has beads, it's got aromatherapy scents... I'm not sure if the beads were soaked in it or what, but it smells amazing. 

This is the gallery wall, I have a few others I haven't hung yet and one that still needs to be filled. 

My favorite... Artwork by Anna Tovar

Do you have a kid?

I have received some hilarious text messages, phone calls, and facebook messages these last 9 months.  Most of them though have come recently with the publication of social media posts.  Here are some examples:

1. You're pregnant?
2. Are you adopting?
3. Wait, so what was that shower for?
4. I don't understand, what's happening? What are you doing?
5. Do you have a kid?

That last one has been the most popular with random variations.  It can be fun to reply and mess with them for a little bit, but I do eventually get into the fact that I'm fostering, not adopting or actually having a child (haha).  So for those of you that are unclear on what fostering is, let me explain...

Kids are pulled out of their home by Child Protective Services for reasons that vary with each child, and because they are unsafe in their own home, they get placed in a temporary home until their parents meet their goals.  The goal with all foster placements is reconciliation.  The hope is that the child's parents (called bio parents in the CPS world) would meet their goals timely and want their kids back so that after they meet goals (get a job, stay sober for 6 months, have 3 clean drug tests, etc.) the kids can go back to their home and family that is now a safe environment.  The reason they say the normal length of stay for a foster child is 12-16 months is because typically, the court gives them a set of goals, some might be short term, but all have to be met by 12 months.  The judge can grant them one 6 month extension if parents are showing marked progress toward those goals (maybe they've been sober, but are having trouble finding a job) but are just having trouble with a certain part of their goals. After goals are met, kids would go home.  If goals are not met, CPS would begin the process of terminating parental rights.  This can vary on time as it depends on if the parents are ok with that and ready or if they fight it. 

So the question has also been asked on what kind of circumstances would a kid ever leave my home? 
1. If they went back home to their bio parents
2. If parental rights were terminated then they got adopted
3. If they aged out. 

On that last point, since my age is 5-8, I'll probably only get new kids in my home that are on the younger side of the scale so that their case is done before they turn 9.  I could get kids that are older if they are short term.  The 2 circumstances I'm taking short term are for respite care and emergency placements.  Respite means that another family needs a break, and the foster child would come live with me for up to 14 days.  Emergency placement is when the kid is taken out of the home unplanned, could be in the middle of the night and they need a home for them right away.  This usually happens when police get a call and show up and realize there is some situation that kids need to be removed right away.  After kids are removed from their home, CPS has 4 hours to have a designated home for that child.  Emergency placements last up to 30 days.  So if there is a sibling group taken out, ideally, they'd be all in the same foster home.  Since that might be hard to coordinate on short notice, kids get placed in homes that are open for emergency placements until they can figure out a more permanent home.  Even if all the siblings can't get together, maybe a few of them can and maybe they can get them all in the same area/neighborhood/school districts.  This also makes life for the foster parents easier as sibling visits have to take place once a month and it's good for them to continue those relationships for obvious reasons. 

Hope this helps answer some questions!  As you can see, there are a so many variables that go into all these decisions but hopefully once a kid is placed, they don't get moved until they go home or are adopted for permanent placement.  Lord willing though, until reconciliation happens, hopefully they can land in a home that is loving and willing to work with them as their young brains process all that is happening.

Overwhelmed

We had a shower last week and I cannot tell you how grateful I felt to have such an incredible support system.  I wish my home study worker could have just been there to see how many people are there and ready to love and support myself and this child and I know she wouldn't have had any doubts.  I left with happy tears running down my cheeks because I felt so unworthy.  I have never had a shower before, I was nervous before talking to my cousin about being the center of attention (because I hate it) and she just kept telling me it would be fine and that people are here to love and bless me.  At the beginning I was a little nervous, but as soon as more and more people showed up I just wanted to stand high above everyone and take a picture of all the people talking.  I remember making a mental note that I want to remember this moment forever, the amount of love that was there was so tangible. 

I left and couldn't stop playing this song on repeat, Big Daddy Weave - Overwhelmed and the lyrics have stayed in my head as I unpacked and re-read all the sweet cards and notes from everyone.

On top of that, there were/are people that have reached out to me to give me support and encouragement that I don't even know or haven't seen in years, like over a decade.  Which is so crazy to me, so many people I have known from growing up but haven't seen since I was little.  I recognize their name and ask mom about them and she reminds me of who they are.  Here they are, after not talking to them in so long, and they are being so generous with a note and even a gift.  Somehow they get wind of what I'm doing and just give.  Just open their heart and say anything you need, the answer is yes. 

... and then again, the song continues to play in my head, like a banner over this entire process.

I have so many mixed emotions about all of this and all in all I'm overwhelmed by them all.  The song continues to play while I write this post and I just pray that this little one that comes here feels it too.  I've prayed in that room and over that room and each of the gifts and I just want her to know that she is so very loved.  As faulty as this world is, there are people that love her wholeheartedly. And even we are broken.  More than anything I want her to know Jesus because this world is so crappy at times and wont make sense and just flat out isn't fair.  I cant imagine being in her shoes as a young girl, it's not right.  I want to shake her parents for whatever has caused them to put her in system at all.  But then again, they aren't prefect and are likely just doing what they know, surviving the only way they know how.  So I'm praying for grace towards her parents because I'm already attached to this little girl and the thought of people hurting her breaks my heart.  I pray for her testimony, that she can come out of all this some day and look back and know that the Lord never left her side.

"And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."

Revelation 12:11

 

If God is Real...

If God is who he says he is, then what does that mean for me? If God is real, then what?  The whole purpose of this ministry is to get people asking questions and thinking bigger and deeper.  If all that we read in the bible and all that God promises is real and true, why aren't our prayers bigger? deeper? louder? Why aren't we doing more?

if:gathering is in Austin on Feb 6-7.  They also have if:local so you can do it in your own community using their tools and resources (plus Austin is now sold out).  It's what I was planning on doing if I didn't get registered for the Austin gathering.  Last year was their first year, and I found out about it too late so couldn't go.  I'm excited to see what's in store this year. 

They also have a bible study you can do each morning, if:equip that is a devotional or they have a blog that is really good too, plus some podcasts I think.  I'll admit, I've definitely browsed the two above resources, but haven't stayed as connected to them as I had planned.  One thing they do that I adore is if:table. 

The purpose of if:table is to bring a hodgepodge of women together to discuss the bible and to dig a little deeper with the conversation cards they give you.  It's designed to be a group of women in a variety of life phases.  It's only once a month so its not a major commitment, but its a great way to be intentional about community while having great gospel-centered conversation.  They give you a set of conversation cards and you can do all of them or only one of them.  It's also fun to share recipes and share a meal with people you might not normally be able to do something like this with.  I think it's perfect because you can really do it however works for your group and go at your own pace.  In a group of new believers or just new women friends, picking a few questions and just letting the conversation go.

"They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts."

Acts 2:46

Check it out, you won't be disappointed!