Sunday, October 18, 2009

There is freedom in surrender

I've come to the realization in the past week that this semester has been nothing but a vacation. Simply a chance for me to just to relax and find out more about myself. As I was in my final semester at ACU and trying to figure out the next step, I knew the Lord wanted me home for a season. How long that season was supposed to last was unknown to me. I went dutifully for the summer but not long enough to get involved. Long enough to check it off my list and say that I did what I was supposed to do. I didn't wholeheartedly look for a job there because I didn't want to find one. I just was.

So I ended up in Rome and have loved it. I have loved living with the Brocks. I have loved getting to know this family as an extension of my own. I have loved being away and independent and just doing my own thing. As I got to Rome I didn't know what was next after this internship at Floyd. I didn't know where God wanted me so I began to pray. I prayed that God would open doors and that he would send somewhere, anywhere. I was ready to go and get out and do something different. I was living in Rome but knew I wouldn't end up here long term. So I prayed for the next step. As I started looking into other options and filling out applications the reality of going places all over the world seemed so real. It was exciting knowing that I could just pick up and leave and do something else in a matter of months. As I started filling out all these applications I realized that I had no place I wouldn't go. I told the Lord that if he opened doors, I would walk through them. Because I had no place I wouldn't go I just prayed that if it wasn't the right place for me to be, that he would close those doors and that would be okay. Because the truth is, if I got more than one job at all these different places I would have had a hard time deciphering which one God wanted me to do and I'd end up going where I wanted. So the Lord was faithful and closed doors.

As I'm still praying and trying to figure out where to go, I think I'm hearing him wrong. Basically I think he's telling me that he wants me at home. I'm thinking there's no way I'm going home. So for a while I'm dragging my feet as God and I are in this argument about me saying, "where you will send me, I will go", and thinking that that was supposed to be anywhere but home. Because I could always go back. It wasn't what I had planned but it's where I know God wants me. I feel like the Lord has called me home and the summer when I was there I was so focused on leaving that I wasn't fully able to be there. My heart was always searching for what was to come next.

So as I'm trying to figure out what I'm even doing in Georgia for this semester God continues to answer. Going home is fun at times, but its also hard. It's one of the most challenging places for me to be. So God has given me this time to have an "adventure" but also to rest up before I go home and finish what was started there. I realized that if I never left after graduating, I would have always felt trapped. I would have felt like I had the chance to leave and never did. But now that I am gone, and have had the experience, I realize: the only place I want to be is where He wants me to be. He has given me time for myself. 100% me-time. But more so than I have ever been, I'm so excited to go home. I don't know what I'll be doing yet as far as a job goes. I don't know where I'm going to live yet. But I do know, God is good. God is faithful. And God's provision is so so perfect.

As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
Psalm 18:30

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it

I love Needtobreathe... If you haven't heard there stuff. You must do yourself a favor and listen to their music.

I went to Bham this past weekend for their concert but because it was sold out both Saturday and Sunday, we weren't able to get tickets. Since we had just seen them in Athens a few weekends before we ended up just hanging out with friends that came into town. Here's a mini breakdown of the weekend.
Friday we woke up and shopped in Rome for a while, then headed on to the ham where we met up with friends for dinner. After dinner more friends came to the restaurant so we just stayed put and ended up seeing a lot of friends.
Saturday we woke up and Kristin made us cinnamon rolls while we talked and hung out and then we watched football. All day. It's a reason I love the fall, but by the end of the day, I had reached my max..
Sunday was a great morning of hanging out and going to church and lunch.. then to the dollar movie after going home to put on sweats because it was rainy. And what better way to spend a rainy day then watching movies? So we watched the proposal since JT and Em hadn't seen it.. It was hilarious, maybe even better the second time around. Then we drove back in the rain which was no fun but luckily Em's a good dj so it turned out okay and we made it home safe.

A few of us on saturday night after dinner (Bee, Emily, Kristin, JT, and myself).

For those of you wondering about the Teach for America status, I didn't get the final interview. But TFA as well as other places I'm applying are all just options... Because I don't have anything I'm dying to do. I don't have a huge passion to teach, just to help and be around kids. So there are a ton of jobs and opportunities out there that I'm excited to explore. Some I'm looking into are Teaching Fellows (similar to teach for america), World Teach, Outward Bound, Colorado Snowboard teacher/daycare person/bum, and others.... So really i'm open to suggestions. We'll see how these all pan out, but in the meantime I'm just prayin' and waitin' to see what God's got planned next... I'll let you know when I know :)

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