There is freedom in surrender

I've come to the realization in the past week that this semester has been nothing but a vacation. Simply a chance for me to just to relax and find out more about myself. As I was in my final semester at ACU and trying to figure out the next step, I knew the Lord wanted me home for a season. How long that season was supposed to last was unknown to me. I went dutifully for the summer but not long enough to get involved. Long enough to check it off my list and say that I did what I was supposed to do. I didn't wholeheartedly look for a job there because I didn't want to find one. I just was.

So I ended up in Rome and have loved it. I have loved living with the Brocks. I have loved getting to know this family as an extension of my own. I have loved being away and independent and just doing my own thing. As I got to Rome I didn't know what was next after this internship at Floyd. I didn't know where God wanted me so I began to pray. I prayed that God would open doors and that he would send somewhere, anywhere. I was ready to go and get out and do something different. I was living in Rome but knew I wouldn't end up here long term. So I prayed for the next step. As I started looking into other options and filling out applications the reality of going places all over the world seemed so real. It was exciting knowing that I could just pick up and leave and do something else in a matter of months. As I started filling out all these applications I realized that I had no place I wouldn't go. I told the Lord that if he opened doors, I would walk through them. Because I had no place I wouldn't go I just prayed that if it wasn't the right place for me to be, that he would close those doors and that would be okay. Because the truth is, if I got more than one job at all these different places I would have had a hard time deciphering which one God wanted me to do and I'd end up going where I wanted. So the Lord was faithful and closed doors.

As I'm still praying and trying to figure out where to go, I think I'm hearing him wrong. Basically I think he's telling me that he wants me at home. I'm thinking there's no way I'm going home. So for a while I'm dragging my feet as God and I are in this argument about me saying, "where you will send me, I will go", and thinking that that was supposed to be anywhere but home. Because I could always go back. It wasn't what I had planned but it's where I know God wants me. I feel like the Lord has called me home and the summer when I was there I was so focused on leaving that I wasn't fully able to be there. My heart was always searching for what was to come next.

So as I'm trying to figure out what I'm even doing in Georgia for this semester God continues to answer. Going home is fun at times, but its also hard. It's one of the most challenging places for me to be. So God has given me this time to have an "adventure" but also to rest up before I go home and finish what was started there. I realized that if I never left after graduating, I would have always felt trapped. I would have felt like I had the chance to leave and never did. But now that I am gone, and have had the experience, I realize: the only place I want to be is where He wants me to be. He has given me time for myself. 100% me-time. But more so than I have ever been, I'm so excited to go home. I don't know what I'll be doing yet as far as a job goes. I don't know where I'm going to live yet. But I do know, God is good. God is faithful. And God's provision is so so perfect.

As for God, His way is perfect;

The word of the Lord is proven;

He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

Psalm 18:30