Failed. Fire. Inspection.

Guys,

I failed the fire inspection.  I had to wait a few days to write this because I was so mad, and if that anger seeps out still, just ignore it and consider this an advance apology.

Here's how it went down.... She rings the doorbell, my dog starts barking and I'm thinking I hope she likes dogs.  I usually forget about Bailey because she's normally so quite, but if she doesn't like her I can just stick her outside.  She comes in and I apologize about Bailey assuring her that she will calm down in a minute or two.  She starts telling me about how she has dogs and cats and its fine because she loves them oh Bailey is just the cutest dog... So I think, geez she's a lot nicer in person than she had been on the phone.  Maybe she's just more of a face to face person...

Turns out she's not really a face to face person either.  I asked her where she'd like to start the tour/inspection figuring she'd want to see the bedrooms.  I start to head that way (which is straight ahead but on the left side of the house from the front door).  She says no ma'am we'll be going this way and only taking right hand turns.  What?  I'm not sure if she's serious or not.  My house isn't that big (I promise you'll know when you've gone through the whole thing) but I comply not wanting to upset her.  So I say welp, this is the living room... Is there anything you want to see? She says we'll go through the whole house. I said, yes well I meant like anything I can point out or show you in each room?  She says just please stay to the right... What in the world? Where do these people come from? Whatever.  So I just keep walking, pointing out the living room then dining room until we get to the laundry room...

Obstacle 1: The dryer.  She says please remove anything next to the dryer, there can be nothing next to it.  So I said ok I can move it and start to walk out towards the kitchen and she says "I'll wait"... Ok... I'm in work clothes, a skirt to be exact, and my dryer comes out and touches a wall.  So the only way I can get the stuff on the floor next to the dryer is to crawl on top of the dryer and reach down with my arms.  It's like a dust pan and old doorknobs sitting there but I'm having trouble reaching them because my arm's aren't that long.  I finally get it and she's like, please also get the ironing board.  It's against the wall not even touching the dryer but sure, I'll move it.

Obstacle 2: The Fire Extinguisher.  The paperwork says that it has to be a 5 pound dry chemical extinguisher.  Her call before the inspection said to make sure it was hanging visibly in the kitchen with the top not higher than 5 feet off the ground.  Check and Check.  Of course, she doesn't even check to see what kind of extinguisher, she just asks me where the receipt is... I told her I didn't realize I needed it and I probably threw it away.  By probably I mean definitely.  She said, well when did you buy it?  I told her a few months ago when I was preparing for this inspection and no where on anything does it say to even keep the receipt.  She said well it needs to be taped on there so we can see when it expires.  Cool, I'll get right on that.

Obstacle 3: The escape route.  Thankfully she didn't want to see me actually crawl out the window (this time) but I would imagine that's because I couldn't get them open.  This one was probably my fault, I should have assumed she'd want to see the windows open, but in my mind I figured she'd just want to see there are windows we could use should we need to.  Lets be real, if there is an emergency and they don't open, you're just gonna break them.  That's what I'm thinking anyways but she wants to see me open them and to ensure there is nothing in front of them.  All my windows have something in front of them.  My room has a small 2 drawer file cabinet in front of it, but it's below the window and not blocking it really... I could easily get out without moving it.  In the foster room, there is a big window with a little bookshelf in front (not covering the window at all, its entirely below the window) so I say, wouldn't it be more helpful for a little girl to have this so she can crawl on top of it then out...?  Ma'am there can be nothing in front of the escape windows... Also, the escape routes were posted on the back of the doors (because they are ugly and no kid is gonna read them anyways) but she says please move them to below the light switch.  I said well it just says in each room... Hotels have them on the back of the doors.  "Like I said, below the light switch..." Sigh.

Obstacle 4: The smoke detectors.  The paperwork says a working smoke detector in the bedrooms and the hallways leading to the bedrooms.  It doesn't say anything about all being the same kind, same power source, nothing.  So each bedroom she's testing them and in the hallway she's like is this part of the others?  "What?  No.. It's hooked to the power but not the same one as what's in the bedrooms.  This one was here when I bought the house then I added the ones to the bedrooms."  "Are the ones in the bedroom battery operated or power?"  "Battery."  So she says they all need to be the same, all battery or power.  Well no one told me that. I said I don't understand, if they are all working what does it matter?  If there is a fire, we will know about it.  Isn't that the point?  "They need to all be the same."  "Ok, but they all work and they are all in the places they should be so why does it matter?"  She couldn't give me a reason which was so annoying because it doesn't make any sense.  Idiot.  So then I just start nodding and just saying ok...  She then tells me to please call her to re-schedule but that she probably can't get back out here for another 2 weeks.... Ok. Great. Looking forward to it.

"Oh, and here's a satisfaction survey.  If you don't mind filling it out and giving it to me when I come back out or mail/fax it in to the info on the back that would be great."  Gladly.