The Call

You know when you have that feeling?  That something big and scary is in the works.  When the Lord wants you to do something really big, and you're absolutely terrified?  It's that same feeling that happens at times when you're praying, truly desiring to be obedient for the Lord to send you somewhere or move your heart towards a cause and then he does.  In our mind, we have such a small desire in mind.  Then he says, no, no... I have something WAY bigger than that planned.  It's at that moment when you realize you are excited, anxious, nervous, and so many other feelings all at once.  It's terribly exciting. Truly to your core you think, no way... Surely not.  This cannot be what is he really saying, could it?  Let's just keep praying and journaling about this and then see what he says after a few more days... (no change)... Ok, lets try a week... (no change).... Ok, well at the end of the month if he says this is where he wants me then I'll go/do/be... (no changes)... End of the month comes around and you realize... this is what the Lord's next step is for me.

It's great.  There is something so perfect about being inside the will of the Lord.  Something so calming in the midst of all those terrifying feelings and as you consider all the changes that could possibly take place, its still perfect.  As your mind wanders and rolls through the what-if's, you have such a deep peace.  Because if the Lord is asking you to go down that path, he's going to prepare the way.  Since he's going to be there every step of the way, you know that whatever obstacles that come into play during that time, will have gone through his hands first.  You know that his plan is bigger than ours and even when we don't understand why he might be asking us to do certain things, reach out to certain people, go through harder times, he is doing it for a reason.  And truthfully, that is enough.  Obedience to him is the best place to be.  When it's hard, it's still good.  The key, however, is keeping that perspective while you go through those times.

I wrote the above 2 paragraphs about 6 months ago... I didn't publish it for a few reasons:
1. I was still absolutely terrified of what he was calling me to do, although excited as well, publishing this made it seem real.  No turning back and I wasn't sure I was quite ready to make that commitment.  It seems crazy.  I'm single.  I've got a wonderful support system full of friends and family willing to help out however they can, yet there is a difference of that help, then someone else physically in the house to help balance this huge undertaking.
2. There were SO many logistics that needed to be worked out, am I truly fit for this?
3. I know in my head all that I said above to be true, however it usually takes a lot longer for that truth to flow into my heart.  It was during that phase of praying and seeking the Lord that my heart caught up.

The people I consistently do life with have been nothing but fully on board.  I have an unbelievable support group (family, friends, small group, church, work) that have truly said they were in as I've decided to take this plunge.  That has been a driving factor that gives me a real tangible practical peace that I'm not really alone.  I do have an amazing group of family and friends that support 100% what I'm planning on doing.

All that being said, The Lord has placed on my heart a desire to be a foster mom.  There are so many unknowns about all this.  I cannot even begin to describe all the feelings that have taken place in my head and heart as I've prayed through this.  However, there it is.  Published.

This blog thus far has been a journey of life and travels (mainly for my family and friends) to stay up to date on life while I studied abroad in school and traveled for work.  I guess in the same way, this will now just be an entirely different type of journey that I cannot wait to see all the ways the Lord will work.

PS I'm going to make a discipline of blogging more.  If nothing else, it's how I process things.  It's also it's such a testimony of the Lord.  I document on here way better than in my journal because I'm explaining it to others which forces me to get into why I have certain feelings not just writing those things down.