My Pros and Cons List

I made a Pros/Cons list back in March when this became a real prospect and I just visually needed to see everything laid out.  I have several journal entries similar to this so this is a combo of those.  As this is an ever evolving list some of these are no longer fears but I wanted to share the main things that I have thought and prayed through.

Pros

1. I love children and the opportunity to ministry to these kids would be huge, because they need Jesus more than most kids their age.
2. Time - I have all the time in the world.  The biggest thing that takes up time for me is work, outside work, I don't have a lot of commitments.  I go to church, hangout with friends, but I have so much time right now that I could devote to a child in a unique way that I won't later down the road.
3. Support System - Since I grew up in Dallas and a lot of my friends/family live nearby, I have a wider range of support than most.  This blessing has propelled me into this decision because most of the people that support me love Jesus and understand my desire for this.  They have offered time, money, babysitting and respite breaks.  If I were in a city outside Dallas, it would be harder because I am single and don't have someone to share the responsibility day to day.  Their support means the world and I truly don't think I'd be doing this without them.
4. I have a steady salary.  I don't make a ton, but I'm single.  Researching some of the demographics of people in Dallas there are so many people that are the sole provider for their household and make a lot less than I do and are supporting more people. 

Cons/Fears

1. I'm single... I have no prospects.  This has by far been the single greatest thing causing me hesitation... I'll do an entire post on this later to explain further, but no constant in-home support does give me quite a bit of anxiety.
2. I've never raised kids.  I don't have kids and never have so although I have an idea of what I think it's like, I probably have no idea and have so much to learn.  Being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I think. Things that most parents already know, I have no clue of.  In addition to that, most of the kids need extra attention due to their background, so on top of never having done this before, the added stuff that comes with children in foster care.
3. Financially being the sole provider.  Word on the street is that kids cost a lot of money.  I have a salary and I've been saving for this, but I just have no earthly idea what's about to happen to my bank account.
4. Fear of the unknown.  Kind of going along with the point above, I don't know what I don't know.  So filling out paperwork and going to trainings I was hoping would help me ask better questions, giving me insight along the way if this was something I should do or not. 
5. No more being selfish.  I've been on my own and been able to do things I want to do when I want to do them and however I see fit for a while now.  No more impromptu trips, no more just going out at 9 for a movie, little things like that.  Putting that to death is going to be no small task.  I understand this, but I think once the little one arrives, I will feel this in a very real and new way than I do now. 
6. I'm scared I wont be able to juggle it all.  People do this all the time, and I'm prepared to make adjustments but like I said, for a while now it's been just me. 
7. The CPS world/Paperwork/Legal requirements.  Even after the initial paperwork there is still A LOT of paperwork as she lives with me... another post on that later, but because this was one of my journal entries, I wanted to put it in here. I decided people do this and I can to, one step at a time.  I'm a planner so its nearly impossible for me not to look both short term and long term so I just had to give it to the lord and get organized :)
8. What if we don't get along?  What if she hates me?  What if I'm a terrible foster mom? 
9. Your Foster Child's background.  I've heard lots of stories and I do know its going to take more work than when it's your child.  Unlike a biological child, these kids come to you with a history I will most likely know nothing of.  CPS might not know it either because they only know what they get told.  The behavior issues that are potentially to come and the reactions to certain things are hard enough to handle but especially when you don't understand why or know what causes this child to react that way. 

In light of all these, I have a few things to say... Satan is real and he will put thoughts into your head, and he might even be right, but the Lord better.  Nothing that happens in the future will be a surprise to the Lord, but it will have already gone through his hands.  I know these fears won't just go away, but I know the Lord is a gracious and  gentle teacher.  He knows what I can handle I think that he knows my heart better than any other.  I think by entering into the fray of this broken world and not just sitting back waiting for others to do something that the Lord will honor that and help us overcome whatever trials we will inevitably face.  I know that I will certainly have a million lessons to learn and they might nearly break me, but I also know that Lord wouldn't place this dream on my heart then leave me stranded.