Overwhelmed

We had a shower last week and I cannot tell you how grateful I felt to have such an incredible support system.  I wish my home study worker could have just been there to see how many people are there and ready to love and support myself and this child and I know she wouldn't have had any doubts.  I left with happy tears running down my cheeks because I felt so unworthy.  I have never had a shower before, I was nervous before talking to my cousin about being the center of attention (because I hate it) and she just kept telling me it would be fine and that people are here to love and bless me.  At the beginning I was a little nervous, but as soon as more and more people showed up I just wanted to stand high above everyone and take a picture of all the people talking.  I remember making a mental note that I want to remember this moment forever, the amount of love that was there was so tangible. 

I left and couldn't stop playing this song on repeat, Big Daddy Weave - Overwhelmed and the lyrics have stayed in my head as I unpacked and re-read all the sweet cards and notes from everyone.

On top of that, there were/are people that have reached out to me to give me support and encouragement that I don't even know or haven't seen in years, like over a decade.  Which is so crazy to me, so many people I have known from growing up but haven't seen since I was little.  I recognize their name and ask mom about them and she reminds me of who they are.  Here they are, after not talking to them in so long, and they are being so generous with a note and even a gift.  Somehow they get wind of what I'm doing and just give.  Just open their heart and say anything you need, the answer is yes. 

... and then again, the song continues to play in my head, like a banner over this entire process.

I have so many mixed emotions about all of this and all in all I'm overwhelmed by them all.  The song continues to play while I write this post and I just pray that this little one that comes here feels it too.  I've prayed in that room and over that room and each of the gifts and I just want her to know that she is so very loved.  As faulty as this world is, there are people that love her wholeheartedly. And even we are broken.  More than anything I want her to know Jesus because this world is so crappy at times and wont make sense and just flat out isn't fair.  I cant imagine being in her shoes as a young girl, it's not right.  I want to shake her parents for whatever has caused them to put her in system at all.  But then again, they aren't prefect and are likely just doing what they know, surviving the only way they know how.  So I'm praying for grace towards her parents because I'm already attached to this little girl and the thought of people hurting her breaks my heart.  I pray for her testimony, that she can come out of all this some day and look back and know that the Lord never left her side.

"And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."

Revelation 12:11